Musing Life

My brain is not functioning to it's full (or even normal) capacity. As a result, this post may not come out as well-written as I would like. But they say writing is therapeutic, and I think a little therapy would probably do me good.

I actually used to journal quite a bit. My journal was, I guess you could say, a type of "best friend". When no one else would listen, or when I didn't want to bother anyone else with my sorrows, worries, or frustrations, I would turn to the journal. Since being married though, I'm not lonely. I always have someone to talk to, so journaling has become rather obsolete. Not that I want it to be that way. I really should start doing it again, because sometimes Jeff isn't in the mood to discuss what I want/need to, and sometimes our conflicting opinions don't give me the satisfaction I crave from speaking my mind.

Plus, the great part about my journal is that I can write in Italian or Spanish, and not many people who pick it up can read it. No need for a lock and key when I have the magical power of foreign language!

One subject on which I wish to expound upon is the passing of Proposition 8 in California. The passing, as I'm sure many of you know from the media attention it got, defines marriage in the state of California to be solely between a man and a woman. Meaning no gay marriage. (P.S. I use the word 'gay' to mean lesbian, trans-gender, bisexual, etc. Gay is my encompassing term. Plus GLBTS...is too complex and I always get it wrong).

The proposition was supported by many Christian religions, including my own LDS (mormon) faith. It is not common for my church to speak out on political issues, so the whole situation has been eating at me since the Church asked members in California to do all they could to help pass the prop. Am I in California? No. But does this affect me as much as it does them? I feel it does.

Politically, I am a liberal and an idealist. While I have my own opinions, I consider myself liberal because I have always felt that every individual has the right to make his or her own decisions. Isn't that what this country was based on? Individual freedom? And isn't that one of the main doctrines in the Church? We all have our agency and are free to do with it what we please? Of course, I know all decisions have consequences, whether good or bad.

For example.

Abortion is quite a heated topic. I personally believe that life begins the moment the egg and sperm unite. Two haploid cells, each with half the number of chromosomes that a human cell normally has, unite to bring the two halves together. These two halves equal one whole, one new individual. I personally would never have an abortion, unless the pregnancy fell under one of three extreme circumstances (rape, incest, or danger to the mother's health). However. This belief is my own. I feel every individual has the right to choose whether or not they will undergo an abortion. Consequences will follow. But the choice should be left to the individual. Who am I to encroach on someone's agency?

I feel similarly about gay marriage. Individuals have the right to choose. My personal belief goes with what is written in the scriptures, saying homosexuality is a sin. But that is my belief, and not all others feel that way. (P.S. Not that I am judging. I don't look at gays and think "Sinner!" I am a sinner too. I just have different temptations and hardships of my own). They have that agency to choose, consequences falling as they will. If a gay individual feels he or she is happy living that lifestyle with his or her partner, who am I to break that happiness?

So my stance has always been in support of gay rights. I have so many friends that fall under the "gay" title that I love so much. Our beliefs are different, but that doesn't change the fact that I love them, nor does it change the fact that they have their agency to make their own decisions.

You can see how I would have a hard time when my opinions about agency and choice where to be hindered by the Church's statement. Yet, I know that this is one of those times in life I would have to use blind faith. My dear friend Sarah Carr explained my feelings exactly in her blog, and I have got her permission to post it here:


"Anyway, I didn't like that the church got involved with Proposition 8. Yes, I am a little more liberal when it comes to gay rights. We don't need to open that can of worms. My main qualm about the church's involvement with the Prop is simply that I love how non-political the church is. Politics mean enemies, and I get sad when I think of people hating the gospel for such a shallow reason as politics. I will say one thing, though. I may not understand why we had to get involved in all of this, (and I may not agree completely) but I trust church leaders. I know that they are not hateful men and I know that they are men of revelation; there is a reason for all this. This might seem naive, my blind faith, but it is all that matters to me. Even so, my heart goes out to all those hurt by the passing of the proposition. I hope things will be resolved without more hate."

How perfectly she explains my torn feelings! I am a liberal, I want rights for everyone, I want people to have the opportunity to make their own choices and take the consequences. But when, through revelation, Heavenly Father needs me to go against my own feelings and follow his will, I do. I can't see the bigger picture. He is all-knowing, and for that I know, even though I wouldn't normally have supported Prop 8, faith conquers all and I do as I am asked. Am I completely comfortable with it? No, but I do know it will all turn out well. It may takes years, even decades. But in the end, it will be okay.

It is during this time that I worry. Like Sarah, I don't want hate to rule interactions with gays and straights, church members and non-members. I hope for a peaceful resolution, I hope for understanding on all sides. But, then again, I am an idealist. Of course I would hope for this.