The Fuzzy Bee

No, I am not going to babble about the latest and greatest childrens' book, nor do I even know if such a book exists. Rather this is my own story about embarrassment and my ludicrous ridiculousnosity

I was parked in a lot at the school the other day that has a two hour limit for anyone with a B parking pass. Such a time limit requires an attendant to sit at a booth and be sure you get out before the specified time on the ticket you get at the entrance. The attendant at the time happened to be a particular girl that works the booth quite often. I had never really gotten a friendly vibe from this girl, so of coures it was her that the event to be described had to occur with.

I rolled down my window and had my arm extended, her hand grabbing the ticket, when a bee flew in and decided to take perch on my steering wheel. While some of you may think this not to be such a big deal, those who know me well know I am TERRIFIED of bees. The resulting conversation occured as I tried to remain calm and cool.

Me: Oh! Umm, this may be ridiculous, but I'm afraid of bees. (Easy tone, arm frozen outside the window connected via ticket to the girl)

Girl: I understand. I don't like them either. (Tries to remove the ticket from my hand)

Me: Yeeeaaahhh...(Release ticket, stare at bee. Notice bee's thorax is fuzzy. Any bee who's fuzz I can see is much too close for comfort. Bee moves, landing again on steering wheel) Uhh! (I lose calm and fling myself as far back against my seat as possible, which is not far enough)

Girl: Do you have a paper you can scoot it out with?

Me: Ohh, uh, yeah, I do! (Regain cool attitude, ignoring the fact that I just looked like a fool. Pretending not to be such a wimp. Grabbed the paper I luckily had on the passenger seat, and bring it close to the bee. Bee moves again.)

Me: Ahhh! (High squeal escapes my mouth, my trying-to-be-relaxed facade quickly diminishing despite my best efforts)

Girl: Try to shove it towards the window

Me: (Thinking 'Easier said than done') Right. (Take a deep breath, bring paper into contact with the bee. Bee moves and I flinch back against the seat again. Another deep breath. Bee has gone behind the steering wheel. Can't see it, blindly swipe paper against the spot I believe it to be. Gently, don't want to anger it...BEE FLIES INTO THE AIR!!!)

Me: AAAAAHHHHUUUGGHHH! (Some ridiculous noise in between a low yell and a hiccup escapes as I throw my arms above my head and duck into a tight ball)

Girl: It's okay, maybe he'll fly out!

Me: (Still ducked in the fetal position, voice panicked) Tell me when it's out!

Girl: I think it's gone. (I start to unwrap myself) Oh no, it's still there. (Quickly rewrap myself. Wait a few moments...) I think it flew out your sunroof.

Me: (Fully unwrapping myself and settling back against the seat) Good! Sorry, I just really hate b....AHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Full-out scream as bee appears out of thin air and flies in my face. The adrenaline surges through my body and my mind ceases to work)

Girl: Open you car door!

Me: (Thinking thoughts of death by bee, can't move) Uh huh. (Work up the courage to get my had to the door, pry it open. All calm is gone, no more pretending is possible. Me and my stupid fear bare to the world. Grab my paper, and with some grunt, make a great swipe to scoop the bee in the right direction. It finally decides to leave and flies up into the air.) Wow, umm, sorry about that. (Notice long line of cars waiting behind me)

Girl: That's okay, I don't like them either. Have a nice day!

Me: Thanks. And, uh, don't tell anyone about this (Girl laughs, I drive off).

Despite my best efforts to pretend I wasn't as afraid of the critters as I really am, I exposed myself to this girl who is not generally amiable. I felt weak, I felt dumb...and then I just felt ridiculous. A moment after I drove off, I couldn't help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of what had just happened. While the girl probably thought I was an idiot, I realized that anyone who really knows me would have just laughed at my bizarre and outlandish behavior. This caused me to laugh harder, and I called Jeff to tell him the story. Too bad I was laughing too hard to explain.

P.S. Yes, ridiculousnosity is indeed a word. Proof can be found in the Georgia Nicolson books. The first is entitle Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. They are about a ridiculous British tween who goes through all sorts of coming of age antics while constantly shopping at the Cake Shop of Agony, trying to decide between Robbie the Sex God, Massimo the Lurve God, and Dave the Laugh. Really, I hate Georgia. She is rather shallow and can't see a good thing when it's in front of her. But I read them because the books are hilarious. I would call them the Junie B. Jones for adolescents.

P.P.S. If you haven't read Junie B. Jones books, shame on you! They are laugh-out-loud funny. GREAT books to get your elementary schooler reading. Plus, they are highly entertaining! Do yourself a favor. Go to Barnes and Noble RIGHT NOW, take twenty minutes and read a Junie B. Jones. Other shoppers will stare at you while you sit on the floor and laugh like a crazy, but they really are just missing out. My personal favorite is Junie B. Has a Peep in Her Pocket.